Ally: I am such a hypocrite.
1. I write about mundane celebrity gossip all the time on The Twitter.
2. I’ve written here about my distaste for the actions of One Miley Cyrus.
Yet here I am, on Wednesday, August 15, defending Hannah Montana.
I’m sure the people in Iran are terribly pleased with the fact that Miley’s haircut is trending on Twitter in the wake of their massive earthquake. Talk about Hashtag FirstWorldBullshit.
Not since Felicity chopped off her innocent Annie curly locks has the female population been in such an uproar.
“So when I walked into the haircutting place, I was taking a leap…”
She’s what? 19? Drastically changing your appearance at this age isn’t “crazy” or “pulling a Britney”, it’s a rite of passage. Let me leave her questionable engagement (to that guy whose name I do not recall because even cougar Ally cannot find him attractive) aside for a moment and state for the record that Miley is doing what we all did at that age; Figuring out the shit.
Remembering how liberating that moment was? And she gets to have the entire world talk about it. For a Not-yet-20 year old, that’s fantastical.
The hair itself? I actually love it. It’s cute, it’s punk, it must be amazing to play around with.Look at how happy she looks!
So, you know, you go, Miley. I may happily judge your questionable thigh-high boots worn in hellish July heat, but I don’t question this. Forget about the Twitter haters and keep this advice in mind…
Beyoncé isn’t Beyoncé because she reads comments on the Internet. Beyoncé is in Ibiza, wearing a stomach necklace, walking hand in hand with her hot boyfriend. She’s going on the yacht and having a mimosa. She’s not reading shitty comments about herself on the Internet, and we shouldn’t either. I just think, Would Beyoncé be reading this? No, she would just delete it or somebody would delete it for her. What I really need to do is close the computer and then talk back to that voice and say, Fuck you. I don’t give a shit what you think. I’m Beyoncé. I’m going to Ibiza with Jay-Z now, fuck off. Being criticized is part of the job, but seeking it out isn’t. That’s our piece to let go.
- Kathleen Hanna
I would also recommend blaring this very loudly as you drive around LA in your fancy pants car:
Wow. I am now officially old enough to motherly judge Britney’s outfit. PULL UP YOUR PANTS!!
L-A: I hate to pull this, but:
What she said.
For reals though. I’m not just phoning it in. Ally said everything I would say, right down to quoting Kathleen Hanna (who is all kinds of my hero). And other than digging the Fire Island video set to Party in the USA, Miley Cyrus is a thing I generally don’t support. I can’t even like her ironically. I can’t even say, “but it’s a good jam!” (my defense when I’m caught listening to “Boyfriend”). But I’m super down with the crazy new haircut.
I don’t love the shaved sides, partly because they remind me of some questionable choices I remember from the early to mid 90s, but whatevs. In the cold light of day, I’ve revisited this statement and changed my mind. It’s my Miley-bias speaking. I realized that when a girl with shaved sides of her head got on my bus and I didn’t hate it. I was also thinking of the haircut dudes did where they’d shave some hair and then wear a ponytail. Like in the classic Canadian TV show Catwalk (also on a guy a sort of dated in high school, but you’re more likely to remember Catwalk). The cut isn’t the question. It’s folks getting bitchy because the pretty girl next door cut her hair.
And you know what? Fuck that noise.
1. Ladies should be doing whatever they want with their hair, men and other ladies be damned. Hair is personal. It’s yours. I might hate your haircut, but it’s your style statement, so you let your freak flag fly if that’s what you need to do.
2. She’s 20 or something. If that’s not the time to cut your hair off, I don’t know what its. And how do I know this? Let’s revisit my past, shall we?
That is just one of the many times I cut off all of my hair. And this time was because I was really into Gwynnie’s hair in Sliding Doors.
Clearly wasn’t working the same style. And not exactly the best reason to cut your hair, but I was 22 and that’s what you do. And if Miley’s boyfriend doesn’t like it, this is what the kid should say:
Now, let’s watch those boys on Fire Island lip sync to Miley and pretend that Ally and I didn’t come to her defense on anything ever.